Encounters with the Herd

Ended up behind a herd of morbidly obese women racing for the train today. And when I say racing, I mean taking rapid yet small steps and wildly swinging their arms giving the illusion of speed, but covering very little ground all in all. Plus they spread out in stealth flanking maneuvers so nobody could pass them.  When encountering herds such as this, it can be helpful to carry morsels of food to drop as distractions, thus creating the opportunity you need to get out ahead of these creatures.

The Snorer (snortius maxiumus)

Oh boy, we got us a snorer on board, a choking glotteral sleep-apnea type. Unfortunately, he's several rows ahead, so I cannot see him or I would be lobbing paper clips and assorted crap from my bag over. I just exchanged a very satisfying mutual rolling of the eyes with a lady across the aisle though.... Eventually some loud-mouth LawnGIslandah will get tired of theatrical sighing and the disapproving coughs and smack this guy awake or poke him in the chest. At least a girl can hope, no?

Outbreak!

LIRR is a germ warfare factory today with the spectre of swine flu lingering in a dark cloud above us. The woman (swine flu carrier) next to me is spraying her viral strands everywhere as she coughs into her hand, not her sleeve. Haven't these people seen the movie Outbreak? Tomorrow I'm wearing a hazmat suit to work, hope my boss doesn't mind the change in dress code....

When Good Businessmen Go Bad - The Clark Kent (supermanius imaginii)

Bi'ness man next to me in a black baseball hat like some sort of SWAT Team wanna-be.  He is much like Clark Kent in that he goes to work each day looking professional but after work he dons a baseball hat thus transforming himself (he thinks) into some sort of badass.  This individual tends to inhabit aisle seats so he can peer around at the fellow passengers every few minutes to observe who is noticing his coolness.  Of course, nobody is and whoever happens to catch his eye is typically wondering why this guy keeps looking around, that's all.  This species of commuters has been known to don an earing after boarding the train that he removed for the workday...another part of the camouflage and may also cruise the pike on weekends to recapture his youth.  The one next to me is eating a pecan Cinnabon dripping with frosting with knife and fork. The smell is quickly driving all rational thought from my mind. I'm about 3 seconds from sticking a flag in that bad boy and annexing it as part of my empire. And by empire, I mean my train seat *smirk*

Old Trains - They Think They Can, They Think They Can

LIRR using an old train for their 7:32 Ronkonkoma run. And when I say old, these are the ones we were riding back in high school to hit 42nd Street for fake ID's. They should really give these old fellas a decent burial with full honors and move onto the 21st century....in the meantime, spending time in the dark ages during my commute makes me want to play with my abacus and paint primitive hunting scenes on my cave wall.  Since I ran out of watercolors made from the blood of animals and plant juice I guess I'll just hang a picture up on my cube wall instead.

The Bible Reader (biblicus amenii)

Oh Lord, I gots me one of those today. She got on at Brentwood, typical.....I tell ya, Brentwood must be like the next holiest place after Jerusalem.  My seatmate is a bible-reader...one of the ones who follows each word with her index finger muttering and alternating her reading with some low song-singing or humming. Probably about how the Jews killed Jesus, that seems to be a Top 10 all-time fave for this species of commuter :)