Perdue Oven-Stuffer Commuters

Strategically undesirable train seat today but really, my building elevator is slow as mole-asses so it took a lot of time to get to the lobby today and out the door. Ended up huffing to Penn, then huffing some more to the last few cars where there were still a few seats to be had and STILL ended up in a 2-seater where the blimp next to me with his arm liberally coated with saw-dust is taking up half my seat with his ample thigh meat. If he was an oven-stuffer roaster I'd eat him...with a side of fava beans....

Air Con

In response to the record high temperatures, the LIRR in its infinite wisdom (and ability to waste money) has jacked up the air conditioning so high on trains that I think I just lost 2 toes to frostbite on my morning ride in. Of course, as soon as the doors open at Penn, I will be shortly suffering from heat exhaustion and missing toes means I won't be able to exit the station quickly.  Bummer.

To SBD or not to SBD...

OMFG....some guy one row up on the aisle seat just detonated an atomic bomb. I think by the way he was studiously looking out the window with a blush of bright red creeping up his neck that this explosion was, in fact, supposed to be an SBD....only the force of exit caused a loud squeal against the rubber of the seat that was unmistakable. I hope this poor bastard doesn't have internal damage.....

Unbelievable

Some uncouth heathen decided it would be a good idea to eat a hot dog on the train. I'm not sure what else I could add here....

Curry, Redux

My middle seat mate smells like he took a bath in curry-scented garlic. And he's been leaning on me for the last 30 mins. I spilled a little coffee on the tail of his shirt *cough* by accident, of course. Hey, if I'm going to remain civilized enough NOT to elbow him in the ribs, I have to have some sort of recompense for my troubles.....

Urban Survival Episode

The guy up front is hacking and coughing. I think his lung just fell out of his mouth onto his laptop. Either that or it's a hairball. Either way, not lookin good for the home team. I bet if Bear Grylls was doing an Urban Survival show about the LIRR he's use this guy's lung as a hammock, or he'd eat it raw.

Danger Signs

There are two loud, gum-smacking, opinionated broads, on the sunny side of middle age, and sitting center car. I fear violence will soon be ensuing. This species of commuter is an anomaly, a glitch in the Matrix if you will. These carefree thrill-seekers know but willfully choose to disregard the rules of the rail. They talk too loudly, they express their dubious insight and trade sage wisdoms back and forth, loosely based on what one can only assume is their vast knowledge of the world, its many cultures and all current events. As to keeping the decibels down to a dull roar, well, these risk-takers....they just don't care. They repeatedly ignore warning signs like the all-too-familiar disapproving cough, they dismiss the exceptionally-loud paper rustle, and the many dirty looks. They choose not to recognize the angry hum of a mob starting to form. These bold, reckless commuters are not only a danger to themselves, but also to others should things get ugly.  An innocent bystander could be injured by an eye-dart and a particularly vicious glare has been known to cause multiple contusions and even blood loss. I think we are fast approaching Defcon 3...we are too close for missiles, we're switching to guns, Goose...